What would you do?
So I need advice. I have an offer for a summer internship in Boston on the table that I need to respond to this week. It’s for a pretty good company (Fortune 100, typical office job). On the other hand, I am in the process of interviewing for an internship with my DREAM company. The downside is, the chances of me actually getting this internship with my dream company are sorta slim because EVERYONE wants to work for them, so its really competitive. Plus, the interview process has a lot of steps and doesn’t end until the end of April which means if I don’t get it, it will be really hard for me to find another internship since most companies are done recruiting by then. Should I accept the current offer I have or risk everything and go after my dream internship? HELP me. All suggestions are welcome.
After awhile, you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that love doesn’t mean leaving and company doesn’t mean security. You begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises. You begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open; with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. You learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans. After awhile, you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. You learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong, and that you really do have worth. You learn with every goodbye, there’s a hello.
I’ve never been very good at leaving things behind. I tried, but I have always left fragments of myself there too, like seeds awaiting their chance to grow.
I’m tired of being this person, being expected to fall into the format, & twist into what everyone else expects me to be. I’ve changed so much in the past few years, jumping from one thing to another, making so many mistakes. Trying to grow up. I constantly remind myself of the past, & how I must change to keep the person who is my everything, my only safe haven. I’m scared of losing my imagination, because when life gets hard, & everyone’s against me, it’s all I can do is pretend. I’ve been lied to, betrayed, & back stabbed, by my best friends, and even my own family, I just can’t take it anymore. I miss being a kid, & wish I could turn back time. Looking back, things seemed so great then. I was actually happy with my life. I have flaws, I’m so unhappy with them, but I put up a front. Little things irritate me, & I’m so indecisive. I hate how I ramble on, about my weaknesses. If I’m happy, I’m automatically being fake, if I’m upset, I’m automatically too expressive. I have few legitimate reasons to hate the world, nothing ever seems to go my way. I used to be good at manipulating people, good at getting what I wanted. We only tend to see the hurt in our life, to hold on to the negative, but isn’t that all we can do? I have to keep fighting, have to keep letting the people I love, know that I’m willing to make sacrifices for them. I need to learn to accept that things aren’t all about me, that even if I’m not happy, then the happiness of the people I love is what counts. I need to continue to grow, to change, & mature. I hate being stuck in the middle, seeing everything only at eye level. I’m tired of wishing I was a character in a book, that the villain would get his payback, and everyone would live happily ever after. I miss the dream world I used to live in, and I regret waking up, regret being hurt, & hurting people in return. Ignorance is bliss, and sometimes, I really wish I didn’t know any better. I want to become religious again, to feel at one, and know that even if everyone on earth hates me that God is right there by my side, guiding me. I want to feel the power of prayer, & cry from being happy, from knowing that things are always going to be okay. I’m done with drama, lying & sin. I’m not trying to be perfect, I’m not trying to be something I’m not. I just want to live, and laugh, and be happy. I want to finish school, marry him, & start a family. I’m like an open book, my feelings are shown on my sleeves. I’m clumsy, & break things. I fall down, especially in front of people. I can be uptight, but my laugh is contagious. I want everyone to experience peace, know how good things can be, so they’ll strive harder for it. All is not fair, in love, it never will be.
I have this problem. I can never let myself just be happy. Whenever I’m happy, I just have to think about the past and ruin it. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Why do I keep doing this to myself?
Gamble everything for love, if you’re a true human being.
I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want…a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved.
i basically assume that people don’t like me unless they explicitly tell me they like me and then periodically remind me